10 Questions with Stella Guan

Stella Guan is a queer, non-binary 21-year-old from Brooklyn, New York. Currently, Stella is majoring in Fine Arts and minoring in Creative Writing at the American University of Paris. Additionally, they are pursuing a career as a tattoo artist.
Stella has had an interest in art since childhood, often occupying themselves making little books full of doodles. However, it wasn't until 2019 that they started experimenting with different mediums and developing their own style. Having grown up in a challenging household with difficult family relationships and dealing with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) as well as various identity struggles, Stella uses their art and writing as the ultimate form of expression. By translating deeply rooted, emotionally scarring experiences and memories into their paintings, Stella challenges themselves and their viewers to delve into the most bitter and hurt parts of themselves. With their paintings, Stella hopes to bring awareness to the difficulties of living with a mental health disorder, being a trauma survivor, and being a product of multiple identities, as well as connect with those going through similar things.

www.stellaguanart.com | @stellaguanart

ARTIST STATEMENT

Stella tries to paint everything they feel, whether it be things that make them happy or sad. Having Borderline Personality Disorder, they learned there is no such thing as just happy or just sad. It's a cycle of extreme joy and heart-wrenching depression, all in maybe an hour. It's not just missing someone or something; it's being completely broken by having lost them or the memories. My work directly results from the emotions they cannot help but feel so strongly. Stella also seeks to discuss the question of identity in all its forms. Culture, gender, and sexuality are big parts of their life that Stella expands upon, hoping to reflect how their experiences will all these topics have shaped who they are.

Stella Guan©, Unintentional Head Start, 2020, 60x40

Stella Guan©, Half Alive, In a Dream, 2020, 70x50

INTERVIEW

Before talking about your art, could you tell us about yourself? Who is Stella Guan?

I always find it hard to answer stuff like this because, to be honest, I don't even know. I always wonder if it's a question about my ethnicity, hobbies, personality, passions, or my dislikes,...

I could start with my gender. Ever since I was a child, I didn't feel comfortable presenting myself in the way my family wanted me to, which was "feminine." I always liked wearing t-shirts and jeans, oversized hoodies and played with anything but dolls. As I grew older, I felt more and more disconnected from myself and my body. At one point, I thought I was transgender, but it wasn't until I learned about the term "non-binary" that I felt at home. Meeting my current girlfriend was also very beneficial in my self-discovery journey as she encouraged me from the start to live my true identity and stray away from the gender norms placed on us by society.

I am a third culture kid. My parents are immigrants (Polish and Chinese), but I'm born and raised in the US. So I'm Polish, Chinese, and American, which can be a lot, but it's unique, and I appreciate it. I really like to paint (obviously, haha), but I also enjoy playing the guitar and cooking. I wouldn't say I like math and am terrified of bugs. All of them. Even the ladybugs and butterflies. I love dogs and rabbits, and all animals and plants. A good chunk of every day is spent watching animal videos and then crying a little because they're too cute. I'm very passionate about animal rights, environmental activism, and for some reason, Sweden. I truly want to move there and have a studio space there, both for paintings and tattoos. I am a tattoo artist as well, and I genuinely love doing it. I can't wait to see where that journey brings me. I'm also passionate about learning languages and traveling.

Something else that has greatly shaped my life as well that I'll get into more detail later is living with Borderline Personality Disorder. Mental health awareness is extremely important to me. I guess these are some things about me that are big parts of me. But in the big picture, I'm not quite sure who I am yet. I'm still growing and learning!

Why are you an artist, and when did you first become one?

I don't think there was ever a specific day where I became an artist. Just like every child, I loved to sketch and doodle. I've gotten in trouble so many times for drawing on the walls. I think some kids outgrow that desire to sketch and doodle, but I never did. Keeping the art close to me in a way I think is one of the only links I have to my childhood. It was a really hard one, and this helps me remember the good parts. I didn't really take any formal art classes, but I did have art sessions every Friday in middle school, and it was always the highlight of my week. I had this teacher named Ms. Renate who introduced me to all different art forms and artists at a very young age. I think it's because of her that I grew to love and appreciate art so much. I think I officially started experimenting with my style once I entered university.

Stella Guan in their art studio, Photo Kristina Khairova©

I learned so much about myself after leaving home and being forced to live in the real world independently. I also came to face some challenging things about myself. I am an artist because it helps me communicate, be vulnerable, and healthily express myself. It calms all the twisted stuff that happens in my head. If I paint a specific nightmare, it almost seems as though it won't happen again because it's all there on the canvas. It is almost like a transfer of energy to me. I put everything that scares me there, everything that hurts me, everything I dream of, everything I feel, see and hear.

Do you have a role model that you've drawn inspiration from when creating your art?

There are so many artists that I love and look up to. I love Vincent Van Gogh, Monet, Toulouse Lautrec, Derain. I have a strong love for impressionism, post-impressionism, and fauvism. I also love Lichtenstein, Hopper, and Warhol. But I would have to say my two favorites are Keith Haring and Basquiat. Both of their works are very real, raw, and honest, which is something that my work is as well. They are two of my biggest inspirations, so some elements of their style pop up in my work as a tribute to them. And just like Haring, I want to do my part in spreading awareness about different social issues. I want my art to be helpful for people going through difficult things. I want to let them know that they aren't alone in this.

Stella Guan©, You Were Supposed To Be My Friend, 2020, 40x30

Can you tell us about the process of creating your work? What is your artistic routine when working?

Making art is always a bit of an interesting process for me. I can only successfully make and complete a piece in moments of high stress or intense emotional influx. I find it incredibly difficult to go and pick up a brush and paint when I'm in a calmer state. It does happen, but those pieces don't feel like they are real and raw representations of me. Most of my paintings have blues, reds as well as Payne's grey. It's my favorite color to work with. The techniques I use are mirror reflections of my mood. When I am under high stress or angry, there's lots of scraping and splattering. I like drawing skeletons and other scrawny creepy things because they are my interpretation of the things I feel, see, and hear, whether real or imagined. I usually like to lay a solid background color, and then I'll either scrape other colors on using a palette knife or use masking tape to section off areas that will be other colors. Molotow markers are almost always involved. I like to play with textures too, and that is also reflective of my emotional state. A lot of my paintings have layers and layers of paint underneath, sometimes whole other paintings. Usually, I also need music to help me through the process. Nirvana, Fleetwood Mac, Paramore, Lorde, and Snail Mail are some of my favorites right now, though it really is a good thing.

In some of your paintings, we can find codes, signs, and in some others, we find words and phrases layered into the paint. Please, tell our readers about the symbology of your paintings.

This is interesting because, as I said, almost all my paintings are made when I'm having some episodes relating to my BPD. I'll think things that I wouldn't dare say and feel things I might not want to admit to those episodes. Sometimes I'm confused as to what's even going on. So I'll write it on the canvas. I often experience the same words or phrases ringing in my head over and over again. Sometimes I'll write those things on the whole canvas to calm myself down, and it's a much safer way to deal with things. Then, I'll paint over what I won't want people to see and leave visible what I want them to see. Sometimes I'll cover the whole thing and rewrite only certain words. Sometimes, they are confrontations I am too scared to have because I feel weak or helpless. Writing it on the canvas, at the very least for myself, gives me some sort of validation. I put it out in the world without hurting anyone, and then it's gone. It's very interesting that after I have an episode where I feel, think, or see in extremes. I cannot remember it. One part of BPD is dissociating. I can look back at paintings and remember what happened as factual events, but I cannot remember the feelings that came with them. I think that those words I include and my paintings in general, represent an instantaneous moment of great passion and intensity, only to be forgotten later.

There's a lot of painting on the market these days. How do you differentiate yours from the rest? What do you feel makes your work unique and truly your own?

No one piece of art is ever truly unique, right? We take inspiration and ideas from things we've seen or learned and combine them with personal experiences. Originality does come from that, but I don't think art is ever 100% our own idea. I'm positive that there are works out there that look similar to mine, but our intentions differ. I think it's the intention that matters. The way I visualize my BPD and how I experience it will never be 100% the same as someone else. Similar, maybe. But not clone copies. How I live my life and feel the moment paint hits that canvas is unique to Stella, no one else.

What experience of your life would you say that is reflected in your works of art?

My art very heavily reflects my life, living with BPD and unresolved trauma from my childhood. For anyone who doesn't know, BPD is a personality disorder characterized by:

emotional instability,
viewing and feeling things in extremes,
intense and unstable relationships,
distorted self-image,
massive fear of real or imagined abandonment,
and dissociation.

Everyone experiences BPD differently, but these are some things I go through. To put it in perspective, most people will just leave a voicemail or call back later if someone doesn't pick up. Whereas I will assume that person is ignoring me, leaving me, and never talking to me. In the past, those extreme emotions would lead me to exhibit very toxic behaviors, but now I put all of this pain, bitterness, anger, confusion, longing, and fear into my paintings. My paintings aren't limited to my experiences with BPD alone, but I'd say that a good chunk of them are.

Lately, we often hear and talk about the impact of virtuality on the way we present ideas and artworks. How do you engage your art with the new trends of technologies?

Being a 2000's kid, I grew up around technology. It might be more of a foreign concept with older people at times, whereas my generation grew up with a phone in their hands. Even though many people comment on the negative effects of technology being so prominent in our lives, I think it has allowed me to reach so many people across the globe and connect with them in a unique and more personal way. My Instagram followers see pieces of my daily life that aren't even related to my art. I think it allows them to see my art in a more solid and wholesome way by seeing those bits. I think it's just more personal and intimate. There is less of a barrier between myself and my audience that way. I am not only defined by a painting and text bio. Right now I'm looking into concepts like VR and 360° immersive experience as possibilities to share my art, but it's not a priority to me right now. With technology evolving, I'm hoping to follow along and adapt and present my art in whatever ways I can.

Stella Guan©, Antisocial Interactions, 2020, 46x33

What do you hope that the public takes away from your work?

I want to do my part in destigmatizing mental health and hope I can teach people who don't know much about BPD what it's like. Even though BPD is my focus, my art is for anyone who is struggling. I hope to create common ground between myself and my audience, especially those going through tough times or living every day in some kind of nightmare. I want to encourage healthy methods of dealing with those nightmares even though sometimes it feels pointless or impossible. I want to encourage conversation about mental health and our pasts and hopefully open up that channel between parents and kids. I want to challenge people to dive into their most bitter and most hurt parts of themselves because facing those things is important. I didn't start putting in the work to unpack my issues until very recently, and I wish I started earlier. I made myself a victim for 20 years, but I have learned I am more than just that.

Finally, Are there any projects you are currently working on and able to speak about?

I'm working on a couple of new paintings and experimenting with other mediums such as oil pastels and oil paint. Both are more tricky than acrylic paint, but I like them, except for the cleanup part, I suppose. One painting I'm excited about is this oil painting of the Virgin Mary as a skeleton that I've been working on and off on—hoping to finish it soon. I'm also working on a new series of drawings using pens and markers. It'll be kind of different from my current work since I usually don't use pens. And lastly, I'm hoping to release unique tote bags with my original designs mimicking my flash tattoos style.

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